Anxiety Inside and Outside

I remember when I was a kid, and I used to feel “anxious” about going to the amusement park that day, or having friends over, or traveling to see my grandparents. At that time, “anxious” was synonymous with “excitement” “happy anticipation.” It was a pleasant feeling.

The first time I heard “anxious” or “anxiety” as an unpleasant experience was much later as an adult. Since learning that term, I’ve recognized lots of times that I was anxious, which I describe as a mixture of worry-nervous-fear. As a result of that mixture, many of us experience “stress.” You know that feeling overwhelmed-trying to do too much in a short period of time-too many demands at once feeling.

Anxiety-the good, the not so good

The upside of anxiety is it keeps us safe. We pause before running into a busy street choosing to use the crosswalk. We’re conscientious of traffic laws and the safety of ourselves and others. Our amazing brain has its own built in alarm system-the limbic system and specifically the amygdala. This part of our brain leaps to action if there is a sense of danger or threat. In a very short time our respirations and heart rate quicken, and our muscles tense ready for action. We may need to defend ourselves, run, or even freeze to keep ourselves safe. Once the signal reaches the frontal lobes of our thinking part of our brain, we may either proceed with safety actions or say to ourselves, “Oh it was just the wind that caused the door to slam.”

In many cases, anxiety stems from internal thoughts rather than external causes, such as a door slamming. Our thoughts, perceptions, memories, images, ideas, beliefs, and attitudes are often referred to as cognitions. For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to refer to cognitions as thoughts. These thoughts help us plan, prepare, anticipate, predict, and set goals for our future, which is wonderful until our thoughts begin to take control. When internal anxiety happens, we often struggle with thoughts like stepping into quicksand, the more we struggle the further we sink and get mired in all the thoughts.

Some of these anxious thoughts are repeated over and over again in our minds. Thoughts like “what it the pipes break when we’re on vacation?” “What if the car breaks down?” What if… well you get the idea. Thoughts are only as entangling as we struggle with them. When we stop the struggle, recognize the thoughts are simply words that we give meaning, then we can move on living the life that is important to us. We unhook from our thoughts and commit to our valued actions. To live a life that is rich and meaningful to us.

Moving Forward with Anxiety

Is it really that simple? Is it really possible? Well, it definitely sounds simple, and yes, it is possible. The plus side is with consistent effort, we can stop struggling with our thoughts, which often lead us to experiencing anxiety. We know that we can’t really control our thought or our emotions. What we consistently do have control over is what we do with our hands, feet, and mouth. In other words, we have control over the actions we take. For instance, if you decide today to visit your mom, grocery shop, and then clean the garage, but then you have these anxious thoughts like “what if I get stuck in traffic?” “I’m really worried that I won’t have time to finish the garage today.” “I just know I’m going to spend too much on groceries and go over my budget.” Often these thoughts when given reign can lead to many, many more entangling thoughts and before you know it, you’re sitting in front of the TV surfing for your favorite series, or shopping on-line, or gaming, or whatever else is your avoidance behavior of choice. For a period of time, the avoidance behavior gives a sense of peace or distraction, but then we feel guilty, anxious, nervous, worried because we didn’t finish the tasks we needed to finish.

Another way to look at those anxious thoughts about traffic, spending, and garage cleaning is to notice the thoughts, be mindful of them, and purposely, deliberately focus on the next action that you plan to take to begin your task at hand. Most of the time, these anxious thoughts decrease in intensity, but the real aim is to live the life that is important and matters to you. The thoughts will not go away or disappear, but you are no longer struggling with the thoughts. The more you put one foot in front of the other, so to speak, the more likely your mood and your thoughts will focus on that task, and then you have the benefit of the positive thoughts and feel-good emotions that often come as a result of a completed task.

Quote by Dr. Russ Harris author of THE HAPPINESS TRAP

If you would like to take action to work toward a rich and meaningful life, I would love to be part of your journey.

You can reach me at the contact information listed below for anxiety counseling.

Twila